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 Isalion Crale

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Fallen

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Posts : 79
Join date : 2009-09-11
Age : 24
Location : england (you is knowing no more as you may be pedo so yeh!)

PostSubject: Isalion Crale   Wed Dec 23, 2009 8:58 am

Name:Isalion Crale
Age:35
Homeplanet:Tatooine
Race:Human

Appearance(Description):Short hair-dark, Blue eye's.

Force Alignment and rank(if none, put N/A, Light<Rank>/Dark<Rank>/Neutral):N/A (Only if granted FS)

History(If none put N/A):
Isalion Crale - heart of a warrior and skill's of one also, this 35 year old man is a member of the crale family tree once holding an EX Darth - Valde.

Born in a tough enviroment contained on Tatooine with his mother and father as a young boy he was force to help raise enough credits to help feed them night after night; in the small enclosed area he was raised in there walked many crewl and violent beings that would often threaten Isalion and his parents.
AGE 26- One strange evening a small man approched Isalion during his daily begging and pushed him to the ground and attempted his best to be intimidating but was not scary in the slightest, Isalion raised and push him back, the small man stumbled back in amazment and reached into his short coat pocket and revealed a blaster, Isalion began to run back to his home that was not to far from his location, and the man opened fire (FAILING), His mother and father enjoying each others company in there home were interupted by shouting and a blaster, they ran out to there door attemting to see what was going on when all became clear as Isalion was running towards them telling them to get into the house, his father ran to the wall near there door and grabbed his blaster also, he began to open fire at the man but was not succesful, the stranger shot his last ramaining ammo at his parents this time hitting there targets, Isalion let out a huge roar of emotion as his family fell to the ground, Isalion dropped to the floor grabbing his blaster and opened fire at the man shooting his leg in the proccess, Isalion stepped up an confronted the man laying on the ground point the blaster at his face, Isalion said nothing as the man pleeded for forgivness Isalion then replied with a blaster shot to the head, the man silenced as Isalion fell to the ground in sadness.

Isalion from there was making his living as a bartender but was confronted by an old man offering him a better life, one filled with exitment, The man told Isalion of his potentiol and that he saw what happend the night of his families death, Isalion accepted and that led to the beggining of a new story.
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Tyran
Dark Lord of Oblivion
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Posts : 489
Join date : 2009-09-11
Age : 24
Location : England

PostSubject: Re: Isalion Crale   Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:37 am

Disapproved.
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Avenger
Lord of Oblivion
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Posts : 219
Join date : 2009-10-24

PostSubject: Re: Isalion Crale   Wed Dec 23, 2009 11:12 am

Wow, huge run on sentence much? Heard of punctuation? Sheesh. And Disapproved from force sensitivitey.
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Dante Erinith
Lord of Oblivion
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Posts : 95
Join date : 2009-10-23
Age : 26
Location : Somewhere

PostSubject: Re: Isalion Crale   Wed Dec 23, 2009 11:21 am

The punctuation isn't a big deal as far as i'm concerned, I can look past basic grammar. Unless it's leet speak.
As for the Valde-stuff...again, I have no giant problem with it since you said your character is non-FS. But if by some chance this is approved, i'd like to see little-to-no knowledge (preferably no knowledge) of the characters heritage.
Other than that, run it through a spell checker (to make it easier to read + satisfy Avenger's naziness) and maybe put some more detail on appearance in. Throw in his stats and weapons after that, and we'll see where it goes.
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Avenger
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PostSubject: Re: Isalion Crale   Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:10 pm

Haha i was just joking cause that's happened to me so many times, from people being mad that i didnt do it in paragraphs and i wrote long stories. lol
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